anxiety

Stuck in Replay? How Rumination Affects Our Mind and Self-Esteem

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Have you ever found yourself ruminating on a past argument, reliving the hurt and anger? Or had moments where you start thinking about an argument you had and suddenly you’ve developed a whole alternate scenario of how things could have turned out, what would have been an amazing comeback, or how we could have avoided being embarrassed through a quip or a retort. The problem is – when we’re on this runaway train of thought, our bodies respond as if we are in the moment of this imagined scenario and all the associated feelings and emotions flood in – our heart rate rises, the cortisol levels in our body increase, and suddenly we find ourselves lying awake, anxious, in the middle of the night, when very little of what we imagined actually happened, and with no positive outcome or solution. This is the trap of rumination.

How does the Brain Ruminate:

In the brain, rumination is often linked to the default mode network (DMN) – which is active when our mind wanders, and involves self-referential processing. It’s active when we’re awake but not really thinking about anything in particular. While it might feel that rumination is a powerful emotion that demands attention, it can actually affect one’s self-perception negatively i.e. the incident that occurred with me in which I was strongly implicated really hurt my feelings. Continuously ruminating on a distressing incident can amplify the emotional pain and solidify an overly critical self-assessment. This process makes it difficult to separate one’s identity from these negative events, perpetuating a cycle of self-blame and lowered self-esteem.

Rumination v/s Reflection:

There’s a fine but clear distinction between rumination and reflection. Reflection often involves analyzing an instance in a balanced way, considering both positive and negative aspects, with the aim to learn and grow from it. Rumination, on the other hand, focuses on negative emotions and doesn’t lead to solutions. For instance, imagine a scenario where you gave a presentation at work and afterwards felt you could have explained a section better:

Rumination: You dwell on the negative thoughts: “It was a disaster! Everyone thinks I’m bad. I should quit!” (Focuses on self-blame and negativity)

Reflection: After the presentation, you think, “I could have explained that part better. Next time, I’ll try a different visual aid.” (Focuses on learning from a mistake)

Ruminating can sometimes be a useful mechanism as it can help us learn from our experiences. By ruminating on what went wrong, our ancestors could learn to avoid similar dangers or mistakes in the future. While these evolutionary reasons may have been advantageous in the past, the modern world presents far fewer physical threats, yet our brains continue to operate as if we’re on constant high alert. Letting go of that one seemingly insensitive thing your friend said will not threaten your survival. However, this mismatch between our evolutionary processes and the modern society leads to overgeneralization, where the brain applies ancient survival mechanisms to modern-day stresses, resulting in chronic rumination and anxiety over relatively minor issues.

Avoiding the Rumination Trap:

There are various strategies that are suggested in bodies of research that can help practically step out the rumination cycle. Some of the ones I find most effective are:

  • Thought labeling: Identify rumination when it happens, and simply label it. “I’m stuck in a rumination cycle right now’. Language is powerful, and recalling just one word that labels a train of thought can help disrupt it.
  • Scheduled ‘Worry time’: When I’m anxious and am unable to get out of anxious thoughts, I alot myself a time window : if it’s 1 am in the night and I’m stuck in a negative loop, I set a quick alarm for the next 5-7 minutes in which I dedicate it to letting my thoughts run wild. The idea here is to allow myself to think about these things without judgment, but only during this designated time. Often, I’ve already stopped ruminating and find myself simply waiting for the alarm to ring, signaling an actual closure to the loop.
  • Physical distractions: 5 jumping jacks, a quick jig, blasting my favorite song in my ears for a few seconds, or any other form of distraction that simply takes me away for a few seconds offers great mental relief.
  • Antidote experiences: Whenever possible, I try to engage with a really positive experience, to counterbalance the negative bias inherent in rumination. This can include simple moments of joy, successes, or just a joke that cracked me up earlier.
  • Acceptance and Mindfulness: Accepting flaws without harsh judgement, and with a moment of mindful awareness is hugely powerful, although a bit harder to practice for me personally in instances of rumination.

While there are certainly many other strategies that work for different people, We have to find what works for us. We’re all wired differently, and discovering what helps in what situation is a truly personal and explorative journey. Learning about strategies and credible ways to avoid rumination and other anxious feelings is a great first step in this path so that one can then explore what works, and further bolster our mental toolkits to be able to deploy these strategies in inevitable moments of stress.

Sources and Supporting Research:

The Space Between Stimulus and Response

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The Science Behind Why Pausing Before We React Can Change Our Lives

On Autopilot: Our Brains and Knee-Jerk Reactions

Nobel laureate Daniel Kahneman passed recently, and a lot of what I write about started from his famous book – Thinking Fast and Slow. His loss is an absolute loss to the world, but his contributions are forever etched in history. Thank you for everything you’ve done, Danny.

Have you ever fired off a sarcastic email in a moment of frustration, only to regret it later, or snapped at a co-worker just because you were having a bad day? These are examples of how when a triggering stimulus occurs, our brains often react on autopilot, without much conscious control.

In his research, Danny explained how our brains operate with two distinct systems. System 1, often referred to as the “fast thinking” system, is our primal, instinctive processor. It’s responsible for split-second decisions, recognizing patterns, and triggering emotional responses like fear or anger. Imagine you’re crossing the street and suddenly see a car careening towards you. System 1 kicks in, triggering the fight-or-flight response, and you jump back onto the sidewalk.

System 2, on the other hand, is the more deliberative system. It’s slower, more analytical, and responsible for complex thought, planning, and weighing options. This is the system we use when tackling a challenging problem at work or navigating a nuanced social situation. What happens when we are triggered in such a social situation though?

When Emotions Hijack Our Thinking (How System 1 Takes Over)

What happens if we’re having a bad day, and someone said something that just rubbed us the wrong way, or started to anger us? System 2 is quickly thrown out of the window, and emotions like anger, annoyance, irritation and impatience kick in. What would otherwise have been a mild annoyance has the potential to turn into a full-blown episode – just because we reacted instead of responding to a situation.

Similarly, imagine being stuck in rush hour traffic, a classic trigger for frustration. System 1 might fire off a string of negative thoughts, making us feel increasingly tense and agitated, which does nothing more than make the time we inevitably have to spend in traffic be even more distressing than it needs to be.

However, by pausing to acknowledge these thoughts (“I’m getting frustrated right now”), we can activate System 2. This allows us to choose a more constructive response, like putting on a song, changing the radio station, or calling that friend you’ve been meaning to call but just haven’t been able to make time for.

The Power of the Pause:

Here’s the science behind why this pause matters: our brains are a simulation generating machine – what we imagine, our brains make real. Research suggests that the emotional response triggered by these simulations can feel just as real as an actual experience [2]. By recognizing this tendency of our minds, we can gain agency over our reactions. The pause allows us to break the spell of negativity and choose a response that aligns with our values and goals.

In my personal experience with this, I’ve cultivated a cue – whenever I feel anxious and seem to be getting annoyed with everything – this itself is my trigger to just take the tiniest second and slow down, simply to acknowledge that I’m angry and annoyed right now. In moments of stress, this activity does feel annoying at first but by telling myself that I can be angry immediately after my little pause, if I still need to, really helps and I rarely end up picking my anger up from where I left it. With practice, the efficacy of this approach has grown for me. After all, being stressed and acting stressed creates a self-perpetuating cycle in itself. My goal is to (try to) understand what I’m feeling, take action if I can, and let it go it I can’t.

This isn’t about suppressing emotions, it’s about becoming more aware of the inner workings of the mind. By practicing this, we can create distance from thoughts, respond instead of react to situations, and live more deliberately.

Creating space between stimulus and response can be a hugely powerful tool. By cultivating awareness and harnessing the pause, we can transform our reactions into conscious responses, fostering a more mindful and intentional way of being.

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