The Science Behind Why Pausing Before We React Can Change Our Lives

On Autopilot: Our Brains and Knee-Jerk Reactions

Nobel laureate Daniel Kahneman passed recently, and a lot of what I write about started from his famous book – Thinking Fast and Slow. His loss is an absolute loss to the world, but his contributions are forever etched in history. Thank you for everything you’ve done, Danny.

Have you ever fired off a sarcastic email in a moment of frustration, only to regret it later, or snapped at a co-worker just because you were having a bad day? These are examples of how when a triggering stimulus occurs, our brains often react on autopilot, without much conscious control.

In his research, Danny explained how our brains operate with two distinct systems. System 1, often referred to as the “fast thinking” system, is our primal, instinctive processor. It’s responsible for split-second decisions, recognizing patterns, and triggering emotional responses like fear or anger. Imagine you’re crossing the street and suddenly see a car careening towards you. System 1 kicks in, triggering the fight-or-flight response, and you jump back onto the sidewalk.

System 2, on the other hand, is the more deliberative system. It’s slower, more analytical, and responsible for complex thought, planning, and weighing options. This is the system we use when tackling a challenging problem at work or navigating a nuanced social situation. What happens when we are triggered in such a social situation though?

When Emotions Hijack Our Thinking (How System 1 Takes Over)

What happens if we’re having a bad day, and someone said something that just rubbed us the wrong way, or started to anger us? System 2 is quickly thrown out of the window, and emotions like anger, annoyance, irritation and impatience kick in. What would otherwise have been a mild annoyance has the potential to turn into a full-blown episode – just because we reacted instead of responding to a situation.

Similarly, imagine being stuck in rush hour traffic, a classic trigger for frustration. System 1 might fire off a string of negative thoughts, making us feel increasingly tense and agitated, which does nothing more than make the time we inevitably have to spend in traffic be even more distressing than it needs to be.

However, by pausing to acknowledge these thoughts (“I’m getting frustrated right now”), we can activate System 2. This allows us to choose a more constructive response, like putting on a song, changing the radio station, or calling that friend you’ve been meaning to call but just haven’t been able to make time for.

The Power of the Pause:

Here’s the science behind why this pause matters: our brains are a simulation generating machine – what we imagine, our brains make real. Research suggests that the emotional response triggered by these simulations can feel just as real as an actual experience [2]. By recognizing this tendency of our minds, we can gain agency over our reactions. The pause allows us to break the spell of negativity and choose a response that aligns with our values and goals.

In my personal experience with this, I’ve cultivated a cue – whenever I feel anxious and seem to be getting annoyed with everything – this itself is my trigger to just take the tiniest second and slow down, simply to acknowledge that I’m angry and annoyed right now. In moments of stress, this activity does feel annoying at first but by telling myself that I can be angry immediately after my little pause, if I still need to, really helps and I rarely end up picking my anger up from where I left it. With practice, the efficacy of this approach has grown for me. After all, being stressed and acting stressed creates a self-perpetuating cycle in itself. My goal is to (try to) understand what I’m feeling, take action if I can, and let it go it I can’t.

This isn’t about suppressing emotions, it’s about becoming more aware of the inner workings of the mind. By practicing this, we can create distance from thoughts, respond instead of react to situations, and live more deliberately.

Creating space between stimulus and response can be a hugely powerful tool. By cultivating awareness and harnessing the pause, we can transform our reactions into conscious responses, fostering a more mindful and intentional way of being.

Sources:

• [1] Tang, Y. Y., et al. (2015). The neuroscience of mindfulness meditation. Nature Reviews Neuroscience, 16(4), 213-222. (https://www.nature.com/articles/nrn3916)
• [2] Wilson, T. D., & Bargh, J. A. (2000). Actor-observer differences in attribution and inference. In M. Hewstone (Ed.), Attribution theory: Social psychology and the construction of reality (pp. 179–201). Blackwell. (https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-the-actor-observer-bias-2794813)